When I started this website, I knew I wanted to write and that the goal was to build a following so that one day when I publish my books people would know who I am and want to buy them. That was all I knew.
I didn’t know what I wanted to write about. I didn’t know how to tell my story. No matter how many marketing and content courses I signed up for, I couldn’t turn “I just want to write and inspire and tell my story and hopefully, people can relate and I help someone along the way” into a niche. I didn’t know how to position myself or what my messaging should be. To be fair, I didn’t even know I needed a position or a message!
So I just did it, am learning along the way, and give myself permission to do it badly as long as I keep doing it. And of course, there’s a catch… ADHD has a mind of its own.
If I want to get a specific task done with ADHD I have to exhaust all other tasks first. This weekend I’ve shopped for my upcoming trip, repacked my closet, organised my vanity, and even did the mountain of dishes – so I wouldn’t have to sit and write. And it’s not that I don’t want to write. I do. More than anything, but that makes it even harder.
I used to think: Why can I be so productive for work but for my own stuff I can’t see anything through? What’s wrong with me?
Simply put, work has structure and expectations with consequences – the biggest being that I don’t want to be starving and homeless. So, I get things done.
The things I do for me do not have structure and consequences. My brain sees it as a task that gets added to the other tasks. When I look at the whole list I weigh up writing over doing the dishes, or laundry and I inevitably guilt myself into doing the things I have to do before the things I want to do. This quickly turns into task paralysis that results in absolutely nothing getting done. Except for doom scrolling. The surest way for me to feel unproductive is to get stuck into an Instagram reel loop. Suddenly hours go by and I wonder yet again: What’s wrong with me?
Structure and routine are the only way to be productive with ADHD but ADHD also rebels against them – constantly. Neurotypical brains can just do things as a habit, like making the bed, taking a shower and having a self-care routine before bed. Neurodivergents see all of these as tasks. Even making food and eating it is considered a task for us. We start the day with a to-do list and we end the day with many things not done.
I’ve always had ADHD but I’ve never struggled this much. In school, there was a routine and constant structure. I’ve been working since the age of 16 and that takes care of most of the day. I became a mother quite young so I turned my focus on what my children needed as structure for me too. When the kids left home I still worked in an office so there was some structure of getting up early enough to get ready before hitting hour-long traffic and a full 9-hour day.
The last few years have increasingly become difficult because I work remotely (meaning I never leave the house if I don’t have to) and I’m in the post-menopause phase of my life (here’s where we say #FUCKCANCER but also we need to speak about menopause a lot more). Low estrogen relates to low dopamine which is the perfect mix for ADHD to thrive. I love my sleep but some nights don’t fall asleep until quite late. I don’t like to be forced awake so I don’t have alarms set either. Most mornings I can roll out of bed at quarter to 8 and still make it in time for an 8am meeting (ADHD thrives under pressure). After work, I move to the couch for much-needed TV time, and because there’s no one around needing me to make dinner or do anything except veg for the next few hours, that’s what I do.
This ADHD-easily-distractedness is what’s been happening all year. I have been giving my attention to everything but my writing. As I learn more about my ADHD, I am also aware of the challenges. I often think that if I won the lotto I would quit my job and just write, but I’m realising that I would probably never write because work gives me the structure I need to be more productive the rest of the time. The irony.
I accept that I may not be consistent but I know that when I get it right – writing is exactly what I want to be doing. When I get it right I can share my journey. When I get it right I can put together a cool story. And when I don’t get it right, life still goes on. I focus on being kind to myself and creating a life around me that supports my needs. I spend time on self-care. I’m careful to not self-shame because there’s nothing wrong with me. I’m just wired this way and it makes me pretty fucking awesome.
I’m always looking for ways to add structure though, and I collect writing tips and tricks that make sense to me. And yes, I keep signing-up for writing courses. The repetition around the narrative arc and plot points helps me to constantly think about my stories so that when I eventually do sit down, I know what I want to write. Then I add the steps that resonate with me to my writing practice.
I recently did a course where the instructor shared her secret to success: Write for 10 minutes a day. Don’t set a bigger goal like 500 words or a chapter. Just write for 10 minutes and let it happen naturally. She’s mastered the art and is on a 17+ years’ streak. I mean, that’s impressive, and although I know my ADHD will have something to say about this, it is not going to stop me from trying.
Of course, at the time of writing this post I missed the past few days, so officially it’s day 1 again. But usually in my ten minutes, I journal. Sometimes I write a letter to the Gods, other times I write random thoughts. Mostly I find things that stand out for me in the day. Given that ADHD is so task-oriented I remind myself how much I got done, I also forgive myself for what I didn’t do, and I put down anything I learned that day. I’m living with my eyes wide open to catch these glimpses of me growing through a situation. It gives me such a great sense of peace.
Another trick I’ve learned is to handwrite my posts. If I type into a google doc on the laptop, I’m immediately distracted by the red underlined words and start to edit. Then I lose my train of thought and end up with yet another unfinished document. It’s even worse if I try to write at my desk because I switch into work-mode and I get distracted by emails, Teams and everything other than what I intended to write. I usually sit in front of the TV with Thando fast asleep at my feet.
I’m sure you’re wondering about the TV but I should remind you that I’m also on the spectrum (it’s a constant struggle of contradictions between my autism and my ADHD). TV is company for me so it’s almost always on. When I’m writing, I play a movie I’ve watched many times and know by heart. That means there’s no surprises and it gives me a sense of comfort. It also helps the ADHD because a part of my brain is occupied allowing me to focus more on my writing. Win-Win.
I don’t use fancy notebooks for posts. I prefer to use scrap paper or the torn-out last few pages of a notebook I no longer use, and just write on the front and back, and the pages don’t have to be the same size or even have lines. I number the pages at the top and just keep going. I allow myself to write badly. I even start over mid-page if I don’t like where it’s going. I just get words on the paper and write what comes to mind. When I feel done I put it aside. I let some time pass before I type it into a post because I want to see my writing with fresh eyes and put the thoughts together in order. I try not to edit as I type it up but I will add in more thoughts. Then when it’s all on screen, in the same crazy order I wrote it, I start to edit and make sense of the content – sense enough for my neurodivergent mind anyway.
I feel compelled to add two things here:
1. My autistic self struggles with texture so the paper is kept in folders and never allowed to collect dust. Cringe-cringe-cringe leads to sensory overload if I have to touch dusty paper. I also spend a fortune on plastic sleeves to put my written pages into so they are forever protected. I’m tactile and visual so I want to see my work physically in front of me but not get grossed out.
2. I do have the fancy notebooks, stationery is life! – but I try to not waste those pages and prefer to use them for the writing I keep – like my journals or course notes. (This is a major improvement from collecting fancy notebooks and not allowing myself to write in them in case what I wrote was rubbish and therefore wasted the pages.)
I can hear my boss telling me “give me the short version”. In case you haven’t noticed, ADHD stories go on the scenic route, throw in a couple of side quests, and hopefully circle back to the original thought but there’s no guarantee. Works wonders in fiction, but not so great in business meetings.
Therefore, editing can be challenging. I want to say it all! But unless all my readers are neurodivergent and happily go along on the adventure, I’m forced to edit brutally. Yes, what you’re reading now is the short version. That is brutal for someone with ADHD. I can’t remember where I first heard it, but a common tip in writing resources is to cut out anything that doesn’t matter to the bigger story you’re telling. I think I’ve achieved that.
Finally, I read. A lot. I read almost every genre except horror – I can’t stomach gore and assholery. I pay attention to the language, the voice, the tense, and of course the story. I experience the book as a reader but also as a writer. I consider how I would have written a specific scene. Sometimes I feel I can do better, sometimes I am in awe of how well-written it is. I used to think that reading would replace the story that’s in my head but it’s quite the opposite. Everything I read teaches me something.
This brings me back to what I’ve learned in 2024 and reintroducing myself. My entire life has been leading me here, and being diagnosed on the spectrum on top of having ADHD, has given me a direction. Even though I know I will veer off the path many times, I also know that I get there in the end. This is my story as I navigate being me – a writer, a storyteller, and a neurodivergent.
And for the people that just wanted the tips, here goes the list of things that help me focus on my writing as a neurodivergent writer:
1. Write with pen and paper to reduce distractions with all the bells and whistles on a laptop.
2. Use all the scrap paper you can find for posts or writing that will be transferred to a typed version later.
3. Have something on as background noise that is comforting – either music or a familiar movie.
4. Write for ten minutes a day even if it’s your shopping list or journal entry.
5. Keep learning, honing your craft and adopt any idea that fits your way of thinking.
6. Don’t edit while you write.
7. When you do edit, cut out anything that isn’t relevant to the story you’re telling.
8. Don’t write at your work desk, have a separate space for creative writing.
9. Read as much as you can from different genres and points of view.
I hope this list helps but most importantly, do what works for you. My biggest lesson has been to unapologetically be me. So I close off with the best tip I can give you:
10. Have the fucking audacity to be yourself!
PS – I reference Shaunta Grimes’s tip to write 10 minutes a day. You can find more about her here at Ninja Writer’s. I first heard about her from the Domestika course: The Zero Draft – How to Start Writing a Novel
