Why I Started the Blog, Stopped, Started Again, and Stopped (Again)

When I started the website in 2023, I knew I wanted to write and that I had to build a following to, one day when I publish my books, have people who know who I am and want to buy them. That was all I knew.

I didn't know what I wanted to write about. I didn't know how best to tell my story. No matter how many marketing and content courses I did, I couldn't turn “I-just-want-to-write,-inspire,-and-tell-my-story,-and-hopefully-it-is-relatable-and-I-help-someone-along-the-way” into a niche. I didn't know how to position myself or what my messaging should be. To be fair, I didn't even know I needed a niche, a position, or a message.

I just wrote, put content out and figured I would learn “on the job”. After all, I had lots to say, my head was filled with stories, and while I was excited about it, I even got onto social media and tried to build engagement.

I created the YOU ChooseDay feature to get followers to vote on story prompts to give me a challenge — write a story from random elements. It didn't bother me that sometimes I only had 7 votes and 3 of them were related to me.

I learned more about writing, how to use Canva better, created posts and braved the camera to tell my story.

I was in a confidence bubble, having fun with the process and loving what I created. Then slowly but surely, all the Creativity Killers entered the chat, bringing it to a grinding halt.

And while I originally noticed these patterns in my writing, they hit me even harder when I started building my healing programme, Winning the Fight — the place where every fear, every doubt, and every excuse suddenly felt amplified.

Comparison

I think there's a quote that says, “comparison kills joy” and it certainly does. I looked at similar content and wanted to know why I only got 7–10 people engaging when they had 100s. How long ago did they start? What are they doing differently? While some of these questions are good for checking progress, and keeping up with trends, it made me feel like I wasn't good enough to be in the game.

Imposter Syndrome

When my confidence takes a knock, I feel like a fraud. Like I will be perceived as trying to be someone I’m not. I question why I think I can even do this? Will people see through me and point out all my flaws and inadequacies? I feel pressured to be perfect so no one can see the cracks, or how much uncertainty I have. Why bother if I can’t do it well?

Fear of Judgement

Now that my confidence is low, and I feel out of my depth, I fear judgement. While we can tell ourselves we don’t care what others think, we’re taught from an early age that we need to be good at what we do. With low confidence comes the need for external validation — and if we’re already thinking we’re below par — we may steer clear of potential positive feedback so we don’t have to hear the negative. If I stop putting myself out there, then there’s less chance of getting judged.

Resentment of Social Media

When it’s working for you, it’s easy to just go with it. When it’s not, everything becomes a problem. HAVING TO post or trend or get likes on content that isn’t my actual product or service fuels resentment. I want to promote my work, but I would rather not HAVE TO. Add the negative comments and trolls, and it makes me sick to my stomach. Do I go through the effort of naming and shaming? Or just block and delete? Isn’t it just easier to avoid getting into that position in the first place by not sharing my thoughts?

Pressure to Monetise

All of a sudden, the 7 votes don’t seem enough. Why do I follow more than follows me back? Why doesn’t anyone comment? Why are my likes so low? How will I build a business from this? If my dream is to write full-time, how will I do that without a following? How do I build revenue generating channels? I can’t write more because I work full-time, and I work full-time because I need to live. Maybe I need to do this differently? This is when the focus goes from doing something I love to do, to doing it because I need to make money from it. No, thanks.

Self-Doubt

I am opinionated. I often write pieces on a topic that means a lot to me — a cause or a perspective or my views on current affairs — something that I stand by. Then I don’t post it, doubting my ability to get the point across. Did I ramble? Is it too long? Does anyone want to hear this? By the time I am ready to post, I feel like the moment has passed, and I don’t share it after all.

Vulnerability Hangover

Speaking my truth leads to many feelings. While I want to share my story, it’s a vulnerable place to be. The first thought that comes to mind is — did I say too much? It’s followed by a rush of shame. Why did I share that? Did I give too much of myself away? Will there be fallout? Will it change how people perceive me? Does anyone else make these choices? Am I just bad at adulting that I have these experiences? The shame builds and I hold back.

Procrastination

There’s nothing like self-imposed pressure getting something done at the last minute in a work environment. When it comes to my projects, I don’t have the same commitment. If I don’t start it, then it can’t turn out badly, and it’s like it never happened. I would rather not put something out less than perfect (because I set this terribly high standard for myself) so I look for things to do that isn’t the thing I’m supposed to do. I’ll do it after this course, or after I update the website (which by the way, I did again). I have the “I’ll do it when…” syndrome and there’s always another distraction to take my focus. The longer I put it off, the harder it becomes to get started again.

No Clear Goal

Just writing worked in the beginning, but it quickly fizzled out to disjointed content with no clear flow or direction. One piece didn’t lead to another or even compliment the next. It was just random thoughts. Despite knowing that I wanted to share my story, I didn’t know how to tie it together. How do I connect with my readers? How do I find the right people? If I don’t know where I’m going with this, how can I build a following?

Indecision

The saying goes, “choose your hard”. When we get uncomfortable, we have to choose which situation we can’t accept anymore. When we don’t choose, we’re deciding to stay exactly where we are. This indecision prevents us from moving in any direction. We don’t grow, we don’t test ourselves, we don’t take any risks. It became easier for me to stick my head in the ground and not do anything about it.

Tackling the Obstacles

With all of these obstacles, it’s no wonder I couldn’t be consistent. I felt lost, like anything I tried would be pointless. I had plenty of ideas floating around my head without any way of getting them out into the world. And I suspect I’m not the only one. Maybe you're not as extra as I am, having to deal with them all, but I reckon you can relate to a couple on the list.

Over the coming weeks, I’ll unpack the Creativity Killers in a series of posts, detailing my experiences and what I’m doing to overcome them. It’s a work in progress, like the rest of me. Although I hope to permanently eradicate each of these obstacles, I am also practicing grace with myself to reset and try again.