I have a dream, it’s bright and beautiful and I’m gonna do all the things.
Oh look, I love that movie.
Hmmm, when last did I play my game?
I’m hungry.
But this dream – I’ve gotta make a list.
Doodles
Let’s see if so and so feels like talking shit for 5 minutes.
What if I write stories? That’s a pretty cool dream.
Ooh the microwave just beeped, what am I eating again?
Repacks a cabinet
Ooh what a good idea – let me send myself a 20 minutes voice note about it to remind me later.
Oh no now I have to start the movie over again.
I need snacks.
That’s all in the span of about 7-10 minutes.
And this repeats.
All.
Day.
Long.
I do get shit done of course.
I’m an independent woman with a full life.
But it’s with this constant noise in my head.
Many conversations are happening with myself in my head.
And out loud too.
It is out loud or aloud?
A song is playing.
Reruns of my life flash in my head.
Remember that one time…?
Neurodivergence.
That’s what they call it now.
Fancy word for saying our brains work differently.
We annoy normal people.
Those are the people that have the nerve to say “you’re too much” or “I can’t handle all of this”.
Well buddy, life is never boring over here but go – cause you’re not my people.
I held my granddaughter the other day and she was literally buzzing, kicking and swinging the arms and shrieking away.
I put her down.
As per usual.
I can’t handle that kind of physical input.
Touch.
Ew.
Just don’t.
I watched her continue on in the same crazy hyped up fashion and told my daughter, her mom, which by the way is just an insane concept.
I mean, I made that.
I. Made. That.
And she made this.
She. Made. This.
What the actual fuck is that???
My kid told me that her kid isn’t like this with anyone else, only with me.
And then I did this all-over body wiggle and shreak of excitement and made the “let’s do evil shit” face and realised.
Hi, it’s me, I’m the problem, it’s me.
My granddaughter sees my crazy and she matches it.
I love her to pieces!
She is my people!
But at the same time,
OMG I have to deal with me!
Literally.
Me.
In that teeny tiny little person that has so much person in her already!
And then I realised, this is exactly my purpose and what I’m trying to write about.
But I’m trying to write like other people.
Can I?
Yes of course, I’m freaking super woman I can do anything!
But I don’t wanna…
I wanna write like me.
In all my crazy.
And then you can watch me as I wiggle all over and shreak with excitement and do the evil (and not so evil) shit!
I don’t know how to spell shreak and spell check isn’t underlining it.
And also I’m hungry.
And it’s 7:58 am so I gotta start work.
But it’s Friday.
Yay.
And Grammy’s Girl is spending the day with me.
We’re gonna fuck shit up!
Ha ha ha, imagine!
Maybe not today, but definitely one day.
PS – this baby gurgles and babbles non stop.
Then she takes a power nap.
Then she’s at it again.
Just saying, I talk non stop.
This kid is going to be fantastic and amazing and all of the wonderfulness that is her GramGram, but also…
The karma fairies are laughing at me.
