Hi, I’m Corenne, aka Mommy, aka Gammy, aka Coco

Corenne is one of those unique names that tends to get butchered. I was teased mercilessly as a kid, and I don’t bother correcting people anymore. I just answer to anything remotely in the region of my name, but thankfully my people, my tribe, pronounce my name correctly.

Let’s practice: say it with me now – Core-(like the apple)-EEN, rhymes with Doreen.

This is the English pronunciation of my name anyway. It’s origin is French but I didn’t grow up French and although English is my third language – it’s also become my home language. I was born in South Africa, first generation in my family, from Portuguese and Polish decent, with some Dutch thrown in there to makes things confusing. My first languages were Dutch/Afrikaans and Portuguese (no one thought to keep the Polish), only learning English at the age of 3 when my older sister started school and I wanted to learn with her.

Given up at the age of 7, I grew up in North Eastern United States in what can only be described as an abusive environment. At the age of 16 I had the opportunity to come back to South Africa. I chose to return to a family I didn’t know and a mother that still didn’t want me – but it was better than what I was surviving on a daily basis.

I’ve been back since 1994, a coincidence to the political landscape in South Africa at the time, and have no desire of leaving Africa. I am home.

I was married for 20 years – a repeat of much of my childhood and the decision to marry was driven by obligation and convenience. As a pregnant 17-year old I made choices based on what I knew at the time. I battled my demons while being a married-single-mother, navigating a career, and being further traumatised by not having a support system around me.

I have been a mother since the age of 18, with 2 beautiful strong daughters. My youngest has blessed me with the most precious gift of a granddaughter – something I never thought about – and now that I have her, can’t imagine my life without.

I have made many mistakes, caught myself repeating behaviour from my own childhood, and therefore been on a journey of self-awareness and therapy to constantly be better and not become the ugly that I experienced.

My life is clearly not a fairytale. Considering that only recently I got my 5-year cancer-free badge, I can tell you the challenges keep coming. Somehow I survive. Resilient they call me. Part of me will tell you – damn right I’ve had to do it all for myself for my whole life. The other part of me will tell you – fuck ’em all because I should never have had to do it all for myself.

Now past my mid-40s, in medically induced menopause (#fuckcancer), I have also discovered I am on the Autism spectrum and have ADHD. It’s called AuDHD. While many would think this diagnosis to be another straw that could break the camels back, it’s been quite the opposite. Finally I understand why I have struggled my whole life with conforming, going with the flow, doing what society says I should do – and even worse – berating and shaming myself when I couldn’t be like other people.

I get to just be me now. All of me. Audaciously!

Don’t worry, I plan to write the book about my life one day but I have a lot more healing to do first. Right now I’m on a journey of self-acceptance and learning to take up the space I deserve.

My blog will give you little snippets of my life as I navigate this new phase I’m in, and I’ll also share some short stories. My mission is to show that an imperfect life is still pretty awesome.

So go do the things – Like, Follow, Share and Subscribe – and come along for what I can promise to be an adventure!

PS – I have spent my entire life without a nickname. Recently I found out my nieces call me Aunty Coco and 1 I loved it and 2 I thought – why the hell has no one else ever thought of calling me Coco before?